So I haven't been blogging primarily because I really haven't been motivated. It's winter. I hibernate. Also, my creative outlets have been funneled into making felt creations and improperly constructed knitted scarves. Well. One scarf.
However, I do think it's worthwhile that I highlight what has come to be one of my greatest sources of entertainment and joy:
Ghost Adventures.
Let me be clear, while I'm super interested in ghosts and spirits, if I actually encountered something paranormal I would probably shit myself. I mean, I actually resist the need to urinate in the middle of the night because I'm scared to get out of the safety of my bed. When nature's call
forces me to get up, when I'm finished I actually run from the bathroom and leap into bed as quickly as possible. I leap because it seems likely something could possibly grab my ankles if I was to just
step into the bed like a normal adult. True. Story.
Point being, I'm a huge pussy and I totally should not be watching this show because it only feeds into the pit of fear I feel in my stomach when I am forced to walk into a dark room unaccompanied. The other day I could hear the kitchen door to the basement inexplicably swinging back and forth, which I immediately attributed to a ghostly presence. Since Pat wasn't home I just made Selma hunker in bed with me because I wasn't going looking for trouble. My ridiculous reaction just reinforces that I'm clearly not mentally or emotionally stable enough to handle
Ghost Adventures. Yet I
have to watch it because it's just. that. awesome.
What makes it awesome? First of all, the ghost hunters are kind of hilarious. Zak is the primary focus of the show, acting as the narrator and ring leader. He is brawny and intense. He is also kind of bossy and sometimes his exuberance in the face of possible paranormal activity embarrasses me for him. When the were on Poveglia Island (um, the scariest island EVER) Zak was "possessed," which was a little too much for me but I've tried to forgive, forget and move forward. He even pisses the ghosts off and in multiple episodes they have recorded scary EVPs (electronic voice phenomenon, for those of you who aren't dbags like me) that say things like, "KILL...ZAK" or "gonna get Zak." The paranormal entities know what is UP and they are having NONE of it.
Nick and Aaron are secondary "characters," but since it's basically just the three of them walking around in haunted buildings in the dark, they play a pretty prominent role in the show. From what I can tell Nick seems kind of deep and spiritual, which makes me like him but also makes him slightly boring. My favorite is Aaron, who is comically nervous about the ghost hunting. Even though he's clearly uncomfortable when the ghosts start making their presence known, Zak is always making him go and, like, stand by himself in the haunted morgue where the nurse who was pregnant with the married doctor's baby hung herself. On one hand I feel sorry for him, but on the other hand it's hilarious.
So, anyway, the Ghost Adventures crew travels to these haunted location where they are locked in and then they walk around in the dark with their night-vision cameras and tape recorders and harass entities into communicating with them.
Now when I went on the Haunted Alton ghost tour (Yes. I did.) the ghost tour guide was super critical of my beloved Ghost Adventures crew, specifically because they "antagonize" the ghosts. Now, I guess everyone should be respected, even spirits, but whatever. Do you know why I like Ghost Adventures ten times more than Syfy's Ghost Hunters? Because shit happens on Ghost Adventures.
I don't like watching an hour-long show where people quietly walk around a location and ask benign questions. I want to watch Zak walk in and yell, "DID YOU KILL THOSE LITTLE KIDS HERE, YOU BASTARD?!? COME AND PICK ON SOMEONE YOUR OWN SIZE!" That's about 100% more interesting.
Also awesome are the wild speculations that Zak wil make. For example, the camera will show an "orb" (manifestation of a presence in the form of a ball of energy. gawd, duh.) and Zak's voiceover won't just say, "The unexplainable ball of light appeared to touch Nick's leg." He'll say, "What appears to be an orb touched Nick's leg--was this the presence of Nancy,
the little girl who died of TB in this hospital and who is said to haunt the sanitarium reaching out to Nick for comfort??" And it's like, well, when you put it
that way of COURSE it's dead Nancy's ghost reaching out for comfort. That's the only logical conclusion.
Patrick makes fun of me because he believes that the show is bullshit and everything is being manipulated, which okay, think that if you want to ruin the FUN. As far as I am concerned they seem super believable. Frankly, I get all keyed up thinking that they really are capturing those EVPs, or they really did see a shadow person, or have inexplicable scratches from what clearly could only come from an angry spirit lashing out. That's what makes it interesting--the thought that they aren't con artists and this is all REAL.
Like, if they aren't just manipulating the tapes, then where ARE those voices coming from?? What WAS that shadow walking down the hall in the seemingly empty building?? How did that super heavy door slam even though there is no breeze and no one else was in the building??? Why did the television/radio just randomly turn on, or that chair randomly move and fall over? That shit just doesn't normally happen. I mean, how often does your television or radio just turn on by itself, or a chair that is ostensibly stable fall over? Pretty much never. Hi, it's GHOSTS. Obviously.
The awesomeness of this show is rivaled only by MTV's
Fear, which aired around 2000/2001 and was amazeballs.
Basically, MTV would take a group of young adults to a haunted location. Once there they would have to complete certain creeptastic tasks with the goal of ultimately winning a cash prize if they complete their objectives. There would always be someone who was a total badass, and someone who was a total pussy who couldn't even get out 10 feet from the safe house before stroking out. I always felt for that person because that would TOTAL be me, but they also pissed me off because I knew that the person who was the hardass of the group would resignedly take their place in the electric chair for the next four hours because he/she really needed the money for college.
The most awesome part about Fear was that the show's producers started to figure out that the lure of cold hard cash would prompt most teens/twenty-somethings to overcome even the most terrifying of obstacles. So in the first season the participants would have to, like, go stand in the most haunted room for a half-hour in total silence, which was scary but doable. By the final season the participants would have to walk out to the haunted cemetery and be buried alive for, like, 12 hours or something without any outside communication in order to win the cash. I mean, the whole situation was a complete mind-fuck and I. Loved. It.
Anyway, I clearly just proved that I am a gullible creep. But that's okay. Go watch Ghost Adventures now. I am trying to support viewership so it's not cancelled.
